Solace for Squirrels

I was feeling entirely lethargic last night and decided to stretch out on my excessively large sectional couch and veg in front of the tv. As I flipped randomly through the channels, I quickly became aware that there was nothing on worth watching. But I'm not a quitter, so I was determined to find something, anything, to catch my attention. I didn't last long on "America's got talent", and reruns of "Law and Order". I even tried to pay attention to the shopping Network's dubbed, french ad for some sort of miracle mini-blender (after the host's sixth exclamation of "c'est incroyable!" I had to change channels... I couldn't take it anymore). Finally I stumbled on a nature documentary on CBC's french language network, Radio Canada. Compared to all of the other insanity on the tube that night, a documentary about camels seemed like a pleasant proposition.

I learned quite a bit about camels. Did you know that the males have a giant tongue sac that they flip outside of their mouths when attempting to impose their dominance? They also emit a defeaning grunt/gurgle (related to the tongue sac) while frothing terribly at the mouth. One camel was frothing so profusely that goo had reached his ears. Quite impressive!

In any event, the documentary was interesting and educational. But then, as in often the case in nature documentaries, "harsh reality" set in for the group of camels and their cute, adorable fluffy calves. The group, made up mainly of mothers and their babies, had run off to get away from some frothing, fighting males. A little camel, however, wasn't able to keep up and eventually lost them. They showed this helpless little creature wandering the bush, looking for his family, to no avail. Then the commentator said, "What's that? Are those the far off sounds of his family? The little one seems confused, but follows the sounds in the hopes of finding them." You might have guessed what comes next. Yes, Coyotes. A big, bloody pack of hungry canines, ready to rip fluffy to threads.

I'm mean COME ON! It was just about as uplifting as watching baby bunnies trapped in small cage with a giant python. I know nature is cruel, but I just didn't want to be reminded of that fact so forcefully that night.

I pre-emtively turned off the tube and decided that I would have been much better off watching some chump try to fit himself through the frame of a tennis racquet on America's got Talent. Arg. Veg night ruined. I'll make sure to stick to mindless telly next time.

Walking through the Montreal underground the other day, I noticed an ad put up by the transit commission. The STCUM (societé de transport de la communauté urbain de montreal), or St. Cum (as we anglos like to call it) had created a series of ads to encourage transit users to be more considerate. This particular ad was warning against illegally blocking subway doors, calling it an "illegal delay". Given that Montreal has strict language laws about all signs being in French, the ad reads, "blockage de portes: retard illegal". The only problem with the ad (apart from the bad graphics) is the fact that it takes on an entirely new meaning when read in English. And given that Montreal is a bilingual city, odds are good that you might do so. The placement of the text doesn't help, clearly placing "illegal" before (though slightly lower than) "retard". So you can probably understand why I suddenly burst out laughing when I saw this ad from the transit commission blasting all of the "illegal retards" who enjoy blocking subway doors. In case you don't believe me, here's the ad in all of its glory.


Maybe I'm just crazy, but I'm no illegal retard. Someone in their marketing department either has a great sense of humour or should have their head checked.